Thoughts before Uni
Nervous me and my nervous thoughts about health, relationships and university
1) Health & Fitness
One reason why I can't wait to go to Edinburgh is that the grocery shopping there will be cheaper than in Singapore especially when it comes to health foods!! The variety of health foods in a Whole Foods, Tesco or Waitrosse is so much better than it is here plus it's cheaper! So in my head I'm thinking : it'll be easier and cheaper to cook healthy food there, which I'm really excited for (but only in my 2nd year when I hopefully get a flat) . That brings me to the point that sometimes I get so motivated to cook up a really healthy meal, or bake a really healthy thing but once I think about the expensive ingredients I have to buy ( e.g whole wheat flour, maple syrup, quinoa, kale etc) I just become so unwilling to do it :( and I also just want to say that I get so tired of being health conscious sometimes and it really annoys me and stresses me out. For example , on any day that I decide not to go to the gym, I don't feel like myself and the worse part is : GUILT , which really shouldn't be the case because honestly I exercise like at least 6 times a week so a day off wouldn't hurt right?? It's also really frustrating when I feel obligated to drag my unwilling, lazy ass to the gym sometimes when I really don't feel like going. I also feel so much guilt when I eat something unhealthy? I may eat it willingly and tell myself " it's alright, as long as its in moderation it's fine" but after that the thought of the calories and if I will look any different the next day just eats into my brain and drives me crazy!! But on a positive note , nothing beats the post workout feeling, period. Especially when it's a morning workout and you just feel so energized and for the rest of the day you don't have to think about going to exercise cos it's already been done! I just wish that I can not feel as much guilt as I have been feeling for the past month whenever I don't exercise for a day. Just have to keep reminding myself : MIND//MATTER.
Building a relationship is really a joint effort but I feel that with most of the people around me its always a one sided thing? Im not talking about my family, non-existent love life, but more of friendships. I can't help but feel that I'm usually the one taking the initiative to ask others if they want to meet up and don't get me wrong, I do it willingly because I love my friends and want to keep in touch with them as best as I can, but it gets tiring at some point and sometimes frustrating? and often they reply with " Omg yes I miss you so much let's meet up soon! " and I just think to myself : If you really did miss me that much, wouldn't you have talked to me first? I probably sound really petty and selfish but I don't really care cos it's how I feel :( With that aside, I do always have a great time when I meet my friends regardless who organized the meet up, but it's just nice if more than once in a while someone else takes the initiative to organize an outing. That brings me to another point of company. Company meaning the people that I hang out with. I've come to realized only recently that I have a hard time saying no to people or expressing how I truly feel and that ends up with me obligating myself to meeting up with people whose company I know I do not enjoy. From these unpleasant experiences, I've decided that I will try to spend time with only those who's company I enjoy and to be brave in saying no more often to the things that I'm unwilling to do. Life's too short to be wasting your time on the things that you don't enjoy!!
I'm having so many mixed feelings about it - as many people do. But I'm getting slightly worried that it hasn't yet hit me that I'm going to be living overseas for the next 4 years and be studying there. Even when I got my acceptance letter, did online student registration, applied for a visa and read up on all the freshers week events, it still doesn't feel real. I guess I will only feel it when I'm actually there, standing on campus. I'm also really apprehensive about making new friends!! Freshers week overseas is different from the local universities in the sense that there is no fixed orientation camp with activities already planned out for the day and groups that you will be sticking with for the duration of the camp, they just give you a timetable of activities that will be happening , and you just attend whichever event that interests you! So I guess it's much more pro-active in a sense that you really have to put yourself out there and make the best effort possible to mingle and socialize! But on a happier note, I am also excited to be meeting new people! I also really hope that I will love my course and my school and that I will have the self-discipline to study really hard and make my parents proud. They've really supported me in every way possible and I feel so bad that they're paying so much for me to study overseas and I really want to try to pay them back as much as I can.
I feel much better after expressing my thoughts and getting those stuff off my chest so now I can have a good sleep! Tomorrow is going to be an exciting day cos I'm meeting Rachel for breakfast ( so excited I really miss her ) and then going out for dinner with mum and sis and watching Masterpiece in Motion! :)